I asked for a summer of healing…healing for a broken body, a broken heart, and a broken life. The summer is almost over and I’m not sure if it’s happened or not. Progress has been made. My body is no longer acting strangely or without my consent. I’m able to jog and do most physical activity and I’m grateful. My broken heart has wrestled and wrestled with the issues and has come back to the conclusion that my heart is best held in God’s hands and nowhere else. My broken life seems the hardest one to get back in working order. I am the same person with all the exact same sins, struggles, and negative behaviors. Although my logical side denies the possibility, it seems as though if you have to die, it might be a pleasant surprise to come back as someone else—at least a better me. Nope, it doesn’t look like that’s the case.
At the core of who I am, I long for God to step in and fix my family. Fix all the problems I see. All the problems I am a part of, all the problems I can’t fix, and all the problems that break me the most.
Who am I to complain? I have a family. I have a good family that loves each other. And yet, the longing for more is there. The longing for the redemption I know Yahweh longs to offer us now and to complete in us.
Goodness. Am I not observant of the work he is doing? Am I too impatient? One thing I do know: I need to spend more time listening to him.
